Verse of the Week

I am leaving you with a gift, peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid.

John 14:27

Heart to Heart

Josie Rose Stone. 

She came to our family a week ago and we are absolutely in love!

Warning: Long, Drawn out post ahead. If you just want to look at this cutie and stop reading I would totally understand!

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 Sometimes there are those days where you just have to get everything out, you just have to write and write until things make a little more sense.

Today is the first day in, oh about 4 months where I had the day completely to myself and no agenda whatsoever. Thinking about this makes me realize why things have felt off lately. Not necessarily a bad "off", just off.

There's something you need to know about me. I am an only child. This means that I require so much alone time to reconnect to myself and sort out things I think are important, things I personally want to accomplish ( not what others tell me I need to accomplish), and get re-inspired to be creative and be an artist. This is why I haven't blogged regularly or at all lately.

But today was a good day for taking some time for myself. By yesterday I had already put in 40 hours in my classroom and another 5-7 hours of work at home, just working on lesson plans and getting things ready for what's coming up. This is a normal week for me. So, even with it being so close to Thanksgiving break, praise the Lord, I decided I needed a mental health day. Since my kids were well into their projects and about ready to finish them up, I knew a sub could handle them. This is the first time I've ever had a sub in my class before and honestly the thought terrifies me, for multiple reasons. But they will live and the school won't shut down just because my students may try to be off task for one day. That's what sub days are for right?

Since my parents are at the lake and the person I was thinking about having lunch with is out of town for a conference, I had to actually be with myself, without plans, without a list, without anything to occupy my time and brain. When I realized this last night, I was a little scared. I thought, "what will I do?" "Do I even know how to be by myself anymore without working?" "maybe I'll go into work anyways..." That's when I knew I had a problem.

So here I am, on my bonus day off. Still in my comfy pants. I've cleaned (which sadly might be my new hobby), I had cheese and crackers for breakfast, cookie dough and milk for lunch. I've made some salt dough and started making ornaments for our tree this year, thought about christmas presents, and hung out with Josie all day.

I've had time to actually feel something besides exhaustion.

Teaching is something I truly love to do. There are lots of days when I just want to pack up all of my things and tell them I won't be back. But I'm not a quitter and I couldn't go back to work at a place where I didn't get to brainstorm and collaborate with other teachers and even students. I know I won't always do this in a school setting, public or charter, but for now I am learning and trying to be the best I can and trying to find the balance between my life and work. I know it's out there, it just has to be.

I just want to be surrounded by pretty, happy, colorful, handmade things all day. Is that too much to ask?! I just want to inspire someone to make something beautiful and unique and see them come alive through their art. I want to be surrounded by people who feel and believe deeply and passionately. I don't want to be the only one who cries over commercials, or who just needs to have days where I can think. I need to not feel weighed down by so many random unnecessary responsibilities. I need to feel open and free and I need friends who need these things as well.

I am so completely thankful for my husband who is truly my best friend. I would be a sad workaholic without him! He fills my days with laughter and love more than I ever thought possible.