Dear Baby Arlo

Dear Baby Arlo,

Today's your very first birthday.

As I sit down to write this I can't help but let the tears fill my eyes. I can't believe it's been a whole year with you in our lives. It seems like just yesterday and a whole lifetime all at once that we brought you into this world. This has by far been the hardest, most frustrating, sleepiest, amazing, exciting year of my entire life. And I have you to thank for that. I'm going to be honest, we had a rough start. It was hard to be a mom and I know it was really hard to be a baby. But we stuck together and we are still making it one wonderful, messy day at a time. I don't know what I would do without you and your contagious smile and hearty laugh. I don't know what I would do without your excitement for life and your bright blue eyes that just seem to take in the world around you. You have so much drive and determination in such a teeny, tiny body. I just know you are going to do so many amazing things and once you make your mind up, no one will be able to stop you.

You have turned our world completely upside down. No books could have prepared us for the smart, energetic, observant, persistent, boy we would have. No books could have prepared us for the intense love and frustration we would feel all at once. No books could have prepared us for the months and months and months of sleepless days and nights. No books could have prepared me for how much I would love the fact that you need me, even if it means I miss some hours of sleep. No books could have prepared us for how amazing and perfect you are for our family.


Thank you for  helping me see all the imperfections and impossible expectations I had for our life. We would be so bored if you turned out anything like I had planned. Thank you for keeping us on our toes and for keeping the excitement in our lives. Thank you so much for being you and for making me a mom. It's honestly the most amazing gift you could have ever given me.

You are the most amazing, beautiful boy I've ever met, you are the love in my heart and the bags under my eyes. You are the joy in my day and the marks on my hips. You are my perfect boy and I wouldn't trade any of it for all the sleep and perfect skin in the world.

You are truly amazing. 

I love you so very much.

Happy birthday my sweet boy. 

Love, Mama

There's someone I'd like you to meet...

Some of you have met him, a lot of you haven't.Most of you have caught a tiny glimpse of him through what I've shared, but I wanted you to really get to know him. I want you to really see him and see what an amazing boy God has created. I know I share a lot about our sleeping issues and how tired I am. But I also want to share who he is in spite of that ( or maybe even because of that.)

This is Arlo Harrison Stone. The most alert baby I have ever met in my entire life. The first night he was here he was too busy watching us to sleep, even though I'm pretty sure he couldn't really see anything. He greeted the world with such wonder and interest. If I had a quarter for every time someone mentioned how alert he was, I could buy us all lunch. He wants to look at everything and he wants to explore everything. He rarely takes long naps and has a really hard time staying asleep at night, but it's because he's too busy taking in everything around him. He has to touch and examine everything with his precious little fingers. He grabs things with both hands and a whole lot of enthusiasm. He looks at everything from all sides, flicking them with his fingers to see what it feels like, sounds like, and moves like. He notices every little sound or movement. So many of the things we take for granted in our daily life, he is experiencing. He notices the birds in the sky or on the telephone wire, he notices the leaves on the trees dancing in the breeze (and he thinks they are hilarious,) he notices Josie playing outside, and if he notices it, he needs to investigate it.

He loves looking at pictures and faces. He loves people and this may be one of my favorite qualities about him.  If he can hear you but can't see you, he looks around and arches his neck to see where your voice is coming from. He often stares people down until they acknowledge him and then he greets them with the biggest smile you've ever seen. He lives for eye contact from anyone (even Josie) and squeals with joy when he catches your attention. It might take him a minute to look you over, but once he's done investigating he turns on the charm. He thrives in groups and out in public and he loves to be surrounded by people. He loves the wind and being thrown way high. He loves being startled and caught off guard. He loves being "dropped" and he loves to swing. He's already my thrill seeker boy.

Arlo is busy. He has been moving ever since he was being created. I was never worried if he was alive in there or not because he was constantly moving and kicking... I should've known then we were in for a wild ride! The first video I ever took of him was a few days after he turned a month old and it was nothing but him cooing and kicking his legs and moving his arms. When he learned how to bounce in the bouncer it was the best day of both of our lives. He began "playing" with toys a little after he turned 4 weeks old and soon needed new toys because those were all played out. He loves playing, LOVES it. He's just a busy boy. He would rather be standing than sitting, he would rather be moving than lounging, he would rather be outside than inside any day. He's also the most opinionated and determined baby I've ever met. He knows what he wants and he knows where he wants to go. If he can get it or get to it he will, and if he can't he'll let you know about it until he gets help. He rarely cries even though he hardly sleeps, he's happy as long as he's busy, and he can take a thirty minute nap and be good to go for hours. I could go on for days about how wonderful and special our busy, sleepless boy is. I could go on for days about how smart he is and how he loves to clap and how he's already figured out the "where's Arlo" routine. I could go on for days about the love I have for this tiny human.



Yes I'm exhausted, yes I wish he needed less of my attention some days, yes I've gotten really good at doing all of the "important" things for the day in thirty minutes and as quiet as a mouse, yes he's the perfect blessing our little family needed.

I prayed for a boy that was more than just a "normal" boy. Because "normal" boys can be mean, "normal" boys can need to be accepted no matter the cost, "normal" boys don't speak out for what's right. I prayed for a boy who would do great things and have a heart for people. I prayed for a boy who wouldn't be easily fooled by this world and would bring glory to his Heavenly father in whatever he chose to do. I prayed for an extraordinary boy and I think I got one.

Am I your Mother?

**This is a hard post to write, but I have to believe I'm not the only one who has had this type of experience with motherhood and I'm hoping that in talking about it someone will feel encouraged or maybe just not so alone.

I'm embarrassed to say that I did not transition into motherhood very gracefully. (Still transitioning, still working on grace) Arlo was not a mistake or a surprise. He was very much planned and hoped for. We made the decision to have a baby while on vacation, came back to reality and never had a chance to look back. Three weeks later little baby stone was growing, growing! Now, if you know me, you know how planned, organized, and efficient I like to be so I was thrilled to find out everything went smoothly and quickly and we were well on our way to being parents.

My pregnancy was a relatively easy one. No morning sickness, very few things made me nauseous, my feet only swelled a couple of times, and very little heartburn. Sometimes my feet would ache and towards the end the pressure of our sweet boy made it hard to roll over or get up to go to the bathroom or move quickly in general. I did gain WAY too much weight (more on that in a bit), but besides those few things I didn't have any trouble at all. Then his due date came and went. Every morning I would wake up and think, "today could be the day!" It wasn't. He was induced a week past his due date (You can read his story here)

I had always heard of this "love at first sight" experience you have when they place your sweet baby in your arms for the very first time. I can't say I had that experience. I was super excited that he was finally here and super excited to get to meet this human that we created and of course I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him the way I had expected to be. ( Don't worry, I'm completely obsessed with him now!) The next few days were a blur. A blur of postpartum-ness, aches, pains, learning about this new life, and our roles as parents. Then we brought him home. I was completely overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by this tiny life and how much he demanded of me, overwhelmed by how much he wanted to nurse, overwhelmed with how unprepared I was to be a mom, overwhelmed by the fact that THIS WAS NOT MY BODY, overwhelmed by the amount of visitors we had, overwhelmed to wake up and do it all over again...every day. I became a very anxious person. I was anxious every time I put him down for a nap because I couldn't help but think, "how long will he nap for?" "Will he just cry when he wakes up?" "Will he want to nurse...AGAIN?" "I wish it didn't hurt so bad" " He's going to want to nurse, I just know it" "After  he naps, I feed him, and change him, then what do we do?" "Should I be trying to sleep?" "Maybe I'll just lay down for a minute." "Oh he's up... I guess I'll feed him." All of these thoughts every.single.time. I didn't want to go out in public because what if he cried, what if he got hungry, what if I need to change his diaper, what if I see someone I know? I was incredibly self conscious of being "that person" at the store who couldn't handled her baby (and still am) and the fact that I was terribly overweight and flabby had my self esteem and confidence at an all time low.

I knew everyone said that being a mom was hard, but no one told me why it was hard. Maybe because it's a different hard for everyone. But here I was, having such a hard time, feeling like a failure, feeling like no one else fought the change into motherhood this badly, feeling like I had made a huge mistake. I mean, I CHOSE this for myself?  I hated nursing because it hurt so badly. He wanted to eat all the time so I constantly felt like I was alone and naked, especially since he would nurse for hours if I let him. I never knew what to do with him when he was awake, which was all the time. I didn't know how to be a mom AND a wife. And I wanted so badly to enjoy "every single minute of it," because "it all passes so quickly. But I didn't. I loved Arlo, but I didn't really love being a mom yet.

I thought being a mom would feel like the greatest thing I'd ever done, but it just felt like the most exhausting thing I'd ever done. I thought I would be so full of joy that I had this tiny human that I would just burst all over everyone. But I wasn't. I was full of anxiety, tension, confusion, stress. I was so tired, and mean to my husband, and I got frustrated when Arlo cried. Definitely not the type of mother I thought I would be. I thought I would be like one of those fun blog moms, who always look cute in their top knot and skinnies. I thought I would have it together and have crockpot dinners ready and my baby on a schedule, but not get stressed out when something upset our routine. Needless to say none of that happened. And if anyone else was having this hard of a time being a new mom, they for sure weren't saying anything! So I woke up being anxious about what was in store for the day, feeling like a failure because I hadn't showered or shaved my legs, feeling sad because I had cut off all my hair so my dreams of adorable top knots went out the window,, feeling nostalgic for my "old life," and feeling awful for feeling all of these things. But I hoped with every passing day that things would get better, that I would get better.

Eventually the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, and things started feeling a little bit more normal. I started loosing weight and feeling better about myself. I stopped trying to get Arlo on a schedule and, as hard as it still is, I started going with his flow. I'm still trying to stop comparing myself to other moms, Arlo to other babies, and Steven to other husbands. It's a battle everyday, but it's definitely worth it. I'm still working on being a mom filled with patience, grace, and understanding. I'm not the mom I thought I would be, but I'm still working on the mom I want to be.

Back to Blogging

I decided not to make any new years resolutions this year simply because they would end up being things like, "take a shower everyday," "drink less Dr. Pepper," "get more sleep." And honestly I would have already failed. You may be thinking, "Who is this disgusting, sleep deprived, Dr. Pepper addict and why can't she get it together already?" Well, it's me. I'm a mom and some things in life are luxuries (like showering everyday) and some things are a matter of life and death (like Dr. Pepper and coffee.) What I have decided to do is set small, attainable goals for myself. Like blog more and CREATE time to do something I used to love before the little mister showed up. So in this day, the second of January 2015, I'm taking one small step towards my goals and getting back to blogging. It will no doubt become a lifestyle blog filled with posts about being a mom and how I'm mucking it up and posts about new tricks our sweet boy is learning and how we had cereal for dinner again. You will also be bombarded by a ridiculous amount of pictures of the cutest baby you've ever seen. But between these posts there will be posts about delicious and easy dinners, my weight loss journey back to my pre-baby clothes, Pinterest things I've mustered up the courage to try, and maybe some things you might actually be interested in. However, this is all I have for now (mainly because naptime is over,) I hope you'll be checking in on all of our adventures!

{Our life lately through pictures}

(My last day at work with these ladies. They were so great and welcoming and made me feel like a part of the team right from the beginning. Love them!)

(Our first Saint Patrick's day. We actually forgot until that evening and decided we should put something green on!)

(Since we had some time off for vacation and Steven was also between jobs we decided to have a staycation and explore our great state! We're on our way to the aquarium!)

(My husband feeding the turtles. We never get sucked into those extra gimmicks places have just to get your money, but this was a good $3 spent. So entertaining!)

(Biggest sea slug ever!)

(Braving Thunder Alley during the thunder storm! We are dedicated fans!)

(Summer morning at my parents. I really am so grateful to be staying with them.)

Our moving fiasco... I'm so embarrassed, but we'll look back and laugh at all of this... right?

(I really felt like we lived in a gypsy caravan... Kind of fun and cool at first, but then 2 months later it became my nightmare.)

(All of my art supplies packed up, so sad)

(It's slowly coming along. We call this space our "office", haha.)

(Welcome to our "living room")

(Interview outfit... woop!)

 Lots and lots of much needed time with friends!

(Putt-Putt date!)

(Our second trip to Abilene, We love these guys!)

( Fishbowl margarita for our reuniting celebration)

Even thought though life has been absolutely insane these past months, I wouldn't trade mine for anyone elses!

Happy Thursday!

Arlo's Story

Our sweet boy, Arlo Harrison Stone, was born on May 28th at 1:53 in the morning. Having him was like nothing I had ever experienced before in my life and looking back there was really nothing I could have done to prepare myself for that journey. Of course I read lots of books and blogs about what each week of my pregnancy would be like and what to pack in my hospital bag and even a few people's birth stories. I kept reminding myself that everyone is different and everyone has their own story and it's so true! I had expectations my whole pregnancy about our story and what Arlo's birth would be like and then the day came! I had been anticipating feeling contractions and timing them at home while Steven came home to get me to take me to the hospital, but being 9 days past my "due date", no signs of progress, and being terribly uncomfortable and ready to get this kid out we decided induction was the best option for us.

I was scheduled to check in to our room at 8:00 on May 26th, the Monday of Memorial weekend.  We were so nervous the whole day. I even went and saw a movie to pass the time and keep my mind off things! Our friend who was going to be staying out the house and watching the dog  showed up early to hang out and keep Steven occupied. It was finally time for us to go and we went and ate our last dinner just the two of us and enjoyed spending some time together.

41 weeks!

I kept thinking about my check list and the bags we had packed, how we would be bringing home a tiny little baby bundle, and the next time we left the hospital we would be parents! I was given some cervadil after we checked in to help get things started. They kept telling me to get some rest and offered some sleeping medicine. Needless to say I totally should have taken them up on it! It's super hard to get any type of rest when you're laying on a bed that feels like cardboard.

Just waiting on our boy!

 I started having some contractions in my back but nothing that i was worried about.The hours passed by slowly, but 5:00 came and it was time to really get things started!

They hooked me up to all of the machines and showed me on the monitors where my contractions were and what all of the numbers meant. Around 5:40 they started the medicine and I was FINALLY dilated to a two! This was exciting since I had been at a one for over a month. I remember being incredibly sleepy and so hungry! Steven went and got Braums for him. because I we knew it was going to be a long day.

Around 7:00 my water broke on its own! I was not expecting this and the whole time I was worried I had wet myself. I knew there was a lot of pressure on my bladder, but I really thought I could still control myself! After a few minutes I decided to tell Steven and our nurse what was going on. She thought it was hilarious that I thought I had wet the bed, I was anticipating a slow trickle ( from all the books and blogs I read, remember? Haha) But this was like...a lot. The contractions got really intense after that. I knew the medicine would make them worse than normal, but after my water broke they were coming every minute or so! I still don't know what normal contractions feel like because mine were all in my back. I kept focusing on one spot on the wall and telling myself out loud that, "it can't last forever." Which is true, but it was hard to really convince myself at the time!

About an hour later I was ready for my epidural! Now, I am so amazed at women who do this naturally, and I really thought I was going to try. I think they are the strongest people on the face of this earth and I applaud you! However, this was by far the best decision I could've made for Steven and me. I really thought I was a stronger person and I could have waited it out a little longer, but I decided if this was going to be a pleasant experience for my husband, then I needed the epidural. Steven was thinking that he was going to wait for the nurse to come in to tell her... silly man! I told him to go find them and put me on the list! Especially since the anesthesiologist was in a C-section delivery and wouldn't be out until later. What?! Luckily he headed out a little early to deliver my relief! It took them 3 tries to get the stinking needle in just right. You hear how hard it is to bend over and stay completely still while they do it, but no one tells you that you're still having awful contractions and having your heart rate measured every 15 minutes and you're still going to be leaking fluid. ( Lovely, I know) After they finally got it in, it didn't take long for that stuff to kick in! Praise the Lord! It was now around 8:46 and I decided I should call my parents and let them know what was going on. I had no idea how much time I had since my water had broke and the contractions were so close. Let me tell you... we had plenty of time.

At 9:00 they cam in and checked me and I was at a 3 1/2, 100% effaced, and he was at station 0. We were making progress! My parents showed up and hung out with us all day. It was so weird laying in that bed with everyone's eyes on me. I hate being the center of attention and since I couldn't walk or feel my legs at this point, I had no choice!

Around 11:00 Steven's parents and a couple of my girlfriends showed up. They were getting ready to check my progress again, so they decided to all go to lunch.I was dilated to a 4 and experienced the bloody show. Now, I really think the scientific community can come up with a better name for it, but it describes it very accurately! If this would've happened to me at home I probably would've fainted or completely freaked out at the least. ( Just another reason being induced was the right decision for us)

Nothing too exciting happened for most of the day. I just sat, unable to move my legs, eating popsicles, and having people stare at me. I will say this, the epidural made it SO easy to nap all day! I couldn't feel any pain from the contractions and I couldn't feel how incredibly uncomfortable the bed was, win-win! They had to take me off of the Pitocin because Arlo wasn't liking it. ( My body did the work from about 11:00 until he was born, which is why I think it took so long)

By 9:00 I was dilated to an 8 and was told my doctor was going to the Thunder game. I was terrified that someone else was going to deliver Arlo so I told him he could go ahead and wait. And he did! It was about 11:00 when I decided to send our friends home. I knew it was going to be very early in the morning before I had him and even later before they could see him and I didn't want them to have to wait around any longer. The nurses came in and told me I was dilated to a 9, but at this rate I knew it would still be a few more hours until our sweet boy was here!

Finally around 1:00 it was time! I was terrified to say the least, especially when I started to feel my legs again! But I had to feel something to know when to do my job. I pushed a few times and they realized his heart rate would go down after every push and there was meconium in there with him. Of course this is not something you want to hear! They told us his umbilical cord could be around his neck and we needed to make some quick decisions. I could either have a C-section or they could use a vacuum on his head to help pull him out quickly. Or first thought was C-section because of some of the issues that could arise with the vacuum. However, my doctor urged us to try the vacuum and she told me she wouldn't suggest it if she didn't think I could do it. We decided to go with the vacuum and I'm so glad we did! Within a few pushes and some major help from the doctor Mr. Arlo Harrison Stone was finally here! Weighing in at 7 pounds 3 ounces, and 20 1/2 inches long! I was relieved to have him out of my body and in my arms! And I was so glad that part was OVER!

I was so blessed to have had absolutely amazing, kind nurses, a wonderful doctor, and a great husband to get me through it all! I would not have been able to get through it without their support and encouraging words the whole time.

Welcome to the world baby Arlo! 

Loving our sweet boy

Sweet baby burrito!

Proud daddy

I love baby yawns!

We love you too much baby Arlo.

Pregnancy update: 39 1/2 weeks

How far along? 39 1/2 weeks, So close!
Total weight gain:  Too much!.
Maternity clothes? All maternity bottoms, some maternity tops. Unfortunately most of my dresses are too tight in the butt now! So elastic skirts it is!
Sleep?  Staying up late has been helping for sure! And I feel so thankful I just have to wake up about once a night to use the bathroom.
Stretch marks? A couple on my hips, but my belly is still looking good!
Innie or outtie?? Flat! 
Best moment this week: Felling him roll around in there, letting me know he's still happy and healthy in there.
Miss Anything? Getting off the couch like a normal person, wearing my wedding rings, wearing normal clothes, bending over... should I go on? 
Movement: He's slowing down and running out of room. Still plenary busy in there though!
Food Cravings: sometimes sweets, but most of the time nothing really sounds good.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Trash and left overs
Gender: all boy!!
Pregnancy Symptoms: Is feeling fat one of them? This sweet boy is making me quite heavy and slooooowwww. Also, round ligament pain is alive and well! And cramps. 
Labor Signs: None... 2 days from my due date and I've got nothin!
Wedding rings on or off? Still off. This is making me incredibly sad.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy for the most part! Really just tired and sore from all of the stretching my insides are doing.
Looking forward to: meeting our boy soon!



I just realized I haven't updated this in TOO LONG. I really thought I would be much better at updating and tracking my pregnancy. I know I will want to look back at all of this and remember how I was feeling and what I was going through, especially if there's ever a baby number two! Hopefully my next post will be about bringing our sweet boy home!

Heres the most recent belly pictures!