Heart to heart



First off,  getting caught up on my blog reading is one of my most favorite times of the day. Normally I do it in the morning while everyone filters into work, but sometimes things get busy first thing and I have to read them later. But whenever I do get to read them, that's my favorite time. It's just so refreshing to see what other people, who are like me, are doing in their part of the world. I love how real people are, most of the time things are great and happy. But when there is something heavier they are so willing to share and most of the time try to see God and the positive in it. It's encouraging and motivating to know there are still real people out there.

On that note, I feel like I need to have a heart to heart. I need to talk about what's been on my heart. Lately, I've been filled with a lot of fear and anxiety.

Fear of someone breaking in again, fear that someone will get in our house when I'm home by myself, or when we're sleeping, fear of being killed in our own house, fear of losing Steven, fear of failing, fear of the next step in my life, fear that this new plan isn't really from God, fear that I'm putting too much of myself into it, fear of change, fear of the lack of stability.

I've been praying and praying for peace, but I can't seem to just let go and let God have my fears. I don't know why i'm holding onto them, I don't want to.

All of this fear is taking up my energy and making me heavy. It's consuming my thoughts and taking time away from Steven. The devil is quite hard at work these days. Especially when I was so certain before what my next steps should be, now I doubt whether it was from God or if I will succeed.

We don't have many plans this weekend. Hopefully I will take advantage of this and find some time that I can have to myself, without the hummimg of a computer, or tv, or the dishes telling me to clean them. Hopfully I can find a place and just talk to God, and give him everything.

This song from Matt Hammit has really been helping my heart lately.

"I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start"

I hope you all have a wonderfully refreshing weekend, and you find the time you need for you.

Love-Lea

Thoughtful Thursday

Note: I'm only getting this personal and deep because I don't want anyone to feel like they are ever the only one going through any stage of life. We should all be in this life together, encouraging each other and trying to find the silver lining.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Sometimes about specific people in my life, sometimes just about types of people in my life. I know the types of people I'm done trying to fit in with, I know the types of people I want to surround my life with, I just don't know how to make a smooth transition between the two. Or if that's even a possibility

I'm not gunna lie... I know it's going to hurt, and I know I'm scared. It's something that I have been avoiding for a long, long time now.

Sometimes the truth hurts, but it's still the truth, it's still fact. We still have to deal with reality whether we want to or not. Sure we can hide in our cocoons, our little shells we make our "home,"  but sooner or later we're going to have to come out and see what the world really has to offer us.

I don't know where this may put me in life, I don't know how bad or long it'll hurt, I just know that I will get through it, I will be happier, and I will be more of who I'm supposed to be. I know that the people who mean the most to me and truley care about me is who I will spend my time and energy on. I'm done spending my energy on everyone else, or trying to prove who knows what to someone who isn't even listening. I'm just so thankful that I get to spend all my saturday nights with my very best friend and I know he'll always pick me.

We're all in different seasons of life. One isn't more right or wrong than the other... they're just different. We fall in and out of relationships, we have different hopes and plans for ourselves. The hard part is knowing when to fight and when to let go.


Good luck to you on your journey through whatever season you're in. If it's awesome, soak it up! If it's not, don't worry. You'll get through it if you decide to, the good thing about seasons is that they change.


Happy Thursday!!
Love-Lea