Thoughtful Thursday

So if you read through my post on Tuesday you probably know that I put my two weeks notice in, if you didn't read through it... surprise! Haha.

I was talking to Steven earlier telling him I was thinking about blogging but I didn't know where to start, in which he responded with, "at the beginning of course." Ah, right. Of course!

I'm not going to start at the very beginning but I'll fill you in from when I can remember. I took the job I'm at now because it basically fell in my lap and it was really good money for my first job and I already knew and liked the people I'd be working with. After about 6 months I started getting frustrated and bored with the work I was doing. No one's fault, I'm just not into politics and government! It was really hard for me to try to be a great employee when I could literally not give two flips about agendas and short form plats (see exciting right? haha). I've stuck it out though, to get our savings up to our goal amount. Luckily we got a good amount back on our taxes which put us over that goal amount and then some. So after a lot of praying and thinking and running numbers and praying and thinking and talking I decided we decided that I was going to quit my job and try to sub full time at the two school districts near our house. We know that Steven makes enough to support us and whatever I make will be what we put into savings. Not as much as before, but I think as long as it's growing at least a little bit then that's the important part.

So after getting confirmations from God that I just need to trust Him and have faith I got up my courage and walked into my boss' office. I has no idea what I was going to say or how I was going to start the conversation. I thought about putting my resignation requisition in his in-box for him to sign and just walking away, I thought about just throwing it at him and running down the hall before he had a chance to say anything, but I didn't. I walked in there, he had some small talk with me, and then... by the grace of God said,"Is this bad news?" Hooray! I was so, so glad I didn't have to bring it up! That I didn't have to start the awful conversation. I just said, "Yes, I'm putting in my two weeks notice." He was shocked, rightfully so, since I had given him no real warning or signs of unhappiness. Put he was very nice about and after I left his office I realized I couldn't tell if I my legs were shaking from the work out I just did or from shear terror... I'm going to say it was the work out.

Since then, we've fixed Steven's truck, again (we've officially bought it at least 3 times, wonderful), and had some family issues that have been weighing on our shoulders. I'm going to be honest with you, I'm absolutely terrified. I'm scared that I'm about to put us into a situation that will make our lives not as easy going as they were, that we won't be able to treat our friends to dinner, or have people over and not worry about them bringing anything. I'm scared that I'm bringing an unnecessary complication into our life, I'm scared I'm making myself my own worst enemy.

Needless to say I'm doubting, hardcore. I've asked God to make it known what he wants me to do and I've let him know that I am having doubts and I need more confirmation, which he has provided. I just can't shake the fear. The unknown. I'm scared I've put my emotions and dislike of my job into searching for "signs." I think well... maybe he was trying to tell me something else and I just manipulated it until it fit what I wanted. That's a possibility. 

Even thought our money and lifestyle are going to be very different and I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do once schools out (hopefully pick up some more kids to teach art to and sell things on etsy or somewhere). I'm trying really, really hard to step out in faith and trust that God has got a plan. I know that if it is God's plan then it'll work out wonderfully after we get over the initial shock. I'm just praying that I'm hearing Him right.

I would really appreciate it if you just said a little prayer for us today.

Thanks!

Love-Lea