Heart to heart



First off,  getting caught up on my blog reading is one of my most favorite times of the day. Normally I do it in the morning while everyone filters into work, but sometimes things get busy first thing and I have to read them later. But whenever I do get to read them, that's my favorite time. It's just so refreshing to see what other people, who are like me, are doing in their part of the world. I love how real people are, most of the time things are great and happy. But when there is something heavier they are so willing to share and most of the time try to see God and the positive in it. It's encouraging and motivating to know there are still real people out there.

On that note, I feel like I need to have a heart to heart. I need to talk about what's been on my heart. Lately, I've been filled with a lot of fear and anxiety.

Fear of someone breaking in again, fear that someone will get in our house when I'm home by myself, or when we're sleeping, fear of being killed in our own house, fear of losing Steven, fear of failing, fear of the next step in my life, fear that this new plan isn't really from God, fear that I'm putting too much of myself into it, fear of change, fear of the lack of stability.

I've been praying and praying for peace, but I can't seem to just let go and let God have my fears. I don't know why i'm holding onto them, I don't want to.

All of this fear is taking up my energy and making me heavy. It's consuming my thoughts and taking time away from Steven. The devil is quite hard at work these days. Especially when I was so certain before what my next steps should be, now I doubt whether it was from God or if I will succeed.

We don't have many plans this weekend. Hopefully I will take advantage of this and find some time that I can have to myself, without the hummimg of a computer, or tv, or the dishes telling me to clean them. Hopfully I can find a place and just talk to God, and give him everything.

This song from Matt Hammit has really been helping my heart lately.

"I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start"

I hope you all have a wonderfully refreshing weekend, and you find the time you need for you.

Love-Lea